In Thy Royal Bed Chamber
by Lemon Cookies
Summary: Zuko made the mistake of wandering into his sister's room and is now being accosted by Azula! Where's Mai when you need her? Two-shot. Rated M for swearing, smexiness, and incestuous crack.


**Part I**

Zuko stood in front of a gold-plated mirror, pulling a brush through his long obsidian locks. "Ugh," he complained out loud to himself. "Why does Azula get all the hair dressers?"

It was at that moment that Azula entered her bedroom only to find her brother standing in front of her mirror with her brush. "Uh… Zuzu? What are you doing?"

Zuko's eyes narrowed. "I thought I told you not to call me that. And what does it look like I'm doing, Azula?" he demanded in an 'I-thought-you-were-smarter-than-that' tone. "I'm pimping out my do."

Azula smirked as she prowled across the room until she was standing behind Zuko, who had wearily watched her reflection grow larger in the mirror in front of him. "I know that, dumb-dumb. I meant, why are you using my gold-plated mirror and my pube brush?"

"What the hell, Azula? A pube brush?! What the fuck?!" He dropped the obviously contaminated brush and stared in horror at his sister. "I can't believe I just touched that."

Azula broke out in a loud, manic laugh. "I was just kidding. Anyway, don't use my things. It's rude, and I don't want lice. Who knows what kinds of disgusting things you contracted when you slept out in the wilderness with Uncle?"

Zuko's expression quickly darkened from shocked disgust to a deep scowl. "That wasn't funny, Azula!" he growled, picking up the brush again. "Your stuff is better than mine, and you get all the hairdressers too!"

"If you use that brush again, I'll shove it up your ass," Azula warned. "As for the hairdressers, you can ask for your own. I'm sure father would be very accepting of the fact that his son is gay."

Very calmly, Zuko brought the brush up to his head and began to slowly run it down his locks. "I'm not gay." He traced the brush teasingly against his scalp, just begging her to shove it up his ass. "Ask Mai."

Azula snatched the brush from Zuko's grasp and hurled it across the room. She then shot a dazzling blue bolt of lightning in his direction. "I did ask Mai… last night, in bed."

The lightening grazed the tips of Zuko's locks, singeing them. The prince howled as if he had just been burned in the eye a second time. "My… my bangs! Now I won't be able to do the flippy thing." Pulling himself together slightly, Zuko stepped forward. "There's no way Mai would sleep with you and not me."

"Really?" Azula asked. Her eyes narrowed. "Because from our stimulating conversation last night, I came to the conclusion that you refuse to sleep with her…"

"What?" Zuko asked, confused. "You're lying," he accused. "I don't fall for the same trick twice, you know."

"…So why wouldn't she sleep with me and not you?" Azula finished.

Zuko scoffed at her question. "Because you're disturbed. Duh."

"Oh well, I guess you'll just have to confront Mai and ask her what she was doing last night." The Fire princess paused for a moment. "Or I could show you what we did." A sly half smirk crossed hr ruby lips.

"That's enough, Azula!" Zuko yelled, fire exploding from his fists and cheeks reddening at her quip on his manhood. "And I do not want to see what you two did last night," he added, cheeks reddening even more.

Azula grinned, seemingly unfazed by her brother's childish outburst. "Temper, temper, Zuzu. Don't have a hissy fit. And I don't want you to _see_ what we did last night. I want you to _experience_ it."

"Huh?" Zuko scrunched his nose in confusion. "O-Oooohhh." His white face paled, realization dawning. "But, I mean - That's - We're… Isn't that illegal?" Zuko was not eager to commit more war crimes.

"Is it illegal? The last time I checked, we were the royal family, the ones who make the laws. But I understand if you're too embarrassed or aren't sure if you can handle it."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Anything you can do I can do, Azula." He then began to slowly walk forward, rolling his hips and unbuttoning his shirt like a professional stripper. "See what Uncle taught me? Purr."

"Ew, Zuko, no. Don't do what Uncle taught you. Clear your mind and let me be your teacher." She approached her brother seductively, kind of like she did in 'Fire: Volume 1'. "Take off your clothes completely and I'll show you what Mai likes."

"Well, if it'll show me what Mai likes… Alright then." Zuko modestly turned his back to Azula and shed his royal Fire Nation robe. He was wearing nothing underneath, not even tighty-whiteys.

Azula watched Zuko strip, her eyes trailing down his pale, arched back. She quickly shed her own garments, grabbed her brother by the scruff of the neck, and led him over to her king-sized canopy bed. "Lie down," she ordered.

Zuko slapped his sister's hand away from his neck. "Ow, quit it. I'm not a kitten." But he lay down nonetheless, feeling more than a little awkward and stupid.

Azula withdrew her hand, smirking as Zuko obeyed her. Slowly, she kneeled on the bed and mounted him. She grabbed his wrists firmly and placed his hands above his head, pinning them against the mattress. "Now beg for it!"

No way was Zuko going to beg for it. What was with his family members always trying to shred the remaining scraps of his dignity anyway? "No, Azula. This is crazy. Just get off and we can forget this ever happened."

Azula swung her arm and slapped Zuko across the face. "I said beg for it, bitch!" There was an insane gleam in her eye as her breathing grew more rapid. "Don't make me use these!" She reached over into her nightstand drawer and extracted a pair of handcuffs.

Fortunately, Zuko had plenty of experience with insane!Azula. "Ouch! Azula, calm down." He'd managed to bring his arms to his sides when she'd removed her grip on him to slap him and grab the handcuffs. "Okay, I'll beg for it," he said, propping himself up on his arms as far as he could go with Azula still on top of him. He took a deep breath. "MAI! MAI, HEELLP! AZULA IS TRYING TO RAPE MEEE!!"

Azula wasn't expecting Zuko to scream for help. When he called for Mai, the princess's eyes flickered towards the locked wardrobe. There was perhaps a shimmer of guilt behind her hard eyes. "Mai won't save you!" she yelled. Evil laughter erupted from the depths of her throat.


End file.
